porn (act 2)…

If God’s intention is to redeem humanity…and if those who are redeemed are described as being the firstfruits of “new creation”…then we would expect the hearts and lives of these “new creation” people to be loving, whole, complete, selfless, serving, mutually edifying, and mutually submitting.

What we would not expect from the “new creation” people is behavior that consistently fractures, breaks, scars, wounds, devalues, and objectifies other people.

Yet statistics indicate that anywhere from 50-70%  of Christian men (and I believe it could be higher) regularly make pornography a part of their lives.  And at the center of this behavior is an inflaming passion that gnaws and eats away the very heart of a man.  This insatiable passion…lust.

There is nothing that can fracture, break, scar, wound, devalue, and objectify people more than lust and it’s outward manifestation.

We remember the words of Jesus when he said that looking lustfully upon a woman commits adultery in the heart, and we wonder if Jesus really even knew what the word lust meant.  Surely if he knew the burning and inflaming passion that eats at men…he would have never made such an extraordinary statement. 

But when we examine the word lust in Greek we find something interesting.  The Greek word for lust is epithumeo.  A root of that word is thumos which means wine of passion or inflaming wine, which either drives the drinker mad or kills him with it’s strength.  Lust is an inflaming passion that can drive a person mad or kill him with it’s strength.  And it’s true…lust can completely control the heart and mind of a man…while killing his very heart, soul, and spirit.

An ancient proverb warns, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread and the adultress preys upon your very life.”  Lust diminishes your worth…your value.  You begin operating at the lowest level…the base level…the animal level…where it is just about satisfying your own burning passions and desires.  It is only about your wants, needs, and desires…and it is the very lowest point of selfishness when lust manifests into satisfying your sexual cravings to the detriment of another.  All the while…it reduces you…to something less than human. 

There is a historical account of a man who became so inflamed with lust toward a beautiful woman that he fell ill due to his frustration.  After getting some pretty lousy advice from a friend…he pretended to be sick in bed and had the young lady bring him some fresh bread that she made.   When she took the bread to him…he asked if she would go to bed with him.  Shocked, the young lady refused and began to reason with the man.  dismissing the young woman…he grabbed her and raped her…and then hated her more than he had ever loved her. 

Many men can identify with the man in this story.  Not to the level of rape (even though it is taken to that level by some men), but many men understand the burning and frustration.  It gnaws and tears at your heart… begging for an outlet.  Today’s man…hides in the isolation and darkness of his home…relieving his selfish passion with his online seductress only to hate the woman and himself after his act is done. 

Lust turns women into objects that have been devalued and can be used at a man’s disposal.

A former porn star reflects on the misery she and other women have suffered for the lustful pleasures of men:

The truth is there IS NO fantasy in porn. It’s all a lie. A closer look into the scenes of a porn star’s life will show you a movie porn doesn’t want you to see. The real truth is we porn actresses want to end the shame and trauma of our lives but we can’t do it alone. We need you men to fight for our freedom and give us back our honor. We need you to hold us in your strong arms while we sob tears over our deep wounds and begin to heal. We want you throw out our movies and help piece together the shattered fragments of our lives. We need you to pray for us the next fifteen years so God will hear and repair our ruined lives. 

 It is obvious…for the lives of men…their families…and for the women who have been devalued and objectified for so long…a change has to happen.  The statistics have to change…ESPECIALLY FOR MEN IN THE CHURCH.  but how does that even begin?

I know from personal experience that it did not matter how many rules, laws, or regulations you gave me…no matter how much accountability I had…or how many times a friend told me that he would tell my wife or mom on me…the only thing that can change a man’s behavior is a change of heart…and only God can do that.  men…begin praying on your knees for God to change your heart…and to see women as beautiful and valuable.  Find other men to meet with and confess your sins to…so God can heal you.

Women…get on your knees and pray to God for the healing of men and for the healing of your boyfriend/husband.  Pray for God to remind you of your worth and value…and for God to give you love, grace, and forgiveness.

Churches…pray for your men.  Bring them together on their knees…and have your women lay hands on them and pray for them.  Pray that God will break the chains of lust that enslave their hearts.  Pray for healing, wholeness, and unity in the body.  The church is where sinners come because  they are sinners…and the last thing we need in our churches is sinners afraid to be sinners.  Pray for your men…

Praying desperately for the healing of men and women…

brandon

8 thoughts on “porn (act 2)…

  1. Well, the man who was married to Halle Berry cheated on her. She is what I consider to be one of the most beautiful and desirable women ever. It’s an eye-opener. It let me know that the pressure women feel to be beautiful or desired or to be “all” things for their husband is an unrealistic expectation. This is not to say that a woman should not try to be desirable for her husband, but it just means that like Brandon said, it’s the heart of a person who has to change. Not just men’s hearts need to change, but also women out there too, who are adulterous. We as human beings have to decide to strive to keep our minds on that which is more of the spirit-man and when we engage in such sexual self-gratification outside our marriage bonds then we are allowing ourselves to give into the carnal-man and become more like primal, creatures. I agree we all just have to get on our knees and ask God for his strength to overcome these things that keep us from becoming who we really want to be in Christ.
    I am a sinner and also guilty of these things and more. Also, I have a struggle with my self-indulgence of food. Again, it is similar because I am struggling with the carnal flesh which is so weak AND mainly SELFISH. Only God can give this kind of self-control to the weak vessel of flesh…please pray for me also….

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  2. i’m sorry but lust by itself is not necessarily an evil thing. the real damage to the soul comes from allowing that vice (or any) to consume or control your life….

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  3. also, in response to what “Charmin” said:

    women as ‘adulterous’ is incredibly offensive, since adultery is an issue for both to consider. no one gender is, by nature, ‘adulterous’. the problem comes from letting ‘lust’ (whatever that means) control your life.

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  4. As a woman, I am somewhat uneasy with some of the approaches here. I agree that pornography is a problem in the church, but the way the church has historically handled (or not) the whole idea of sexuality is the problem- for both men AND women. Asking women so pointedly to pray for their poor men in this situation is just another way of enforcing this idea that women are purer, less sexual, less lustful, more spiritual, etc. etc. (Not that women shouldn’t pray, it just seemed like such a strong, one-sided sentiment.)

    Brandon, you are absolutely right that we need to be addressing issues of sexuality in the church. But setting apart women is not the way to do so. At the same time, however, I understand that as a man, that is your perspective. Perhaps it is up to the women to step up and make their perspective known as well. Women have just as many issues with sexuality- and it is fueled by the inferences from society and the church that we are less sexual than men, so we should never talk about such things. Resulting in hidden activities also happening on the internet, sexual encounters that shouldn’t be happening, etc.

    These are all conversations that should be happening. Yes, perhaps in gender separated groups, but yes, they should be happening.

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  5. I ask you, Men tell your wives that you love them. Tell them they are beautiful. Take them by the waist an spin in the sunshine. Small things like this make your wives feel cherished and adored. With us women we need to feel cherished and adored, even if we have never been taught what they mean. (i speak for many, but not all)
    Women, make your husband feel his worth. Tell him how much you appreciate him. I don’t tell my own husband enough, but I cannot picture being without him. Flirt with him from time to time, even if it’s just a wink. and do something special just for him.
    And try to remember why you fell in love. Be forgiving of the past and willing to accept short comings which leads to praying for one another. Ask God to help you serve the other daily.
    Porn is a choice one makes, but if we, men and women,figure out how to love and serve one another, then I think that we would be less interested in the quick, spirit numbing, guilt holding satisfaction of our flesh. 2d and 3d images are nothing like the real thing. And if ya hold out, it makes the real thing all the better. Your significant other will feel wanted again…vital in all relationships.
    we have alot to learn in a world of battle scarred hearts, but a willing heart will receive wisdom if he asks. That means taking a bite of humble pie/bread of life, and learning from it.

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