but i am a princess…

little girls grow up with visions of being swept off their feet one day by her prince charming.  she dreams of being a princess…of finding romance…and of being wholly and completely loved.

but little girls soon become women and it is not long before they are awakened from their dreams to realize that their boyfriends, fiances, and husbands fall short of their romantic and emotional expectations…leaving many women feeling empty, alone, and under-appreciated.

i don’t want to be a downer ladies…but there is not a man in the world that will ever completely meet and satisfy your expectations of love and romance.  in the same way that men have to realize that their sex lives will never be like what is depicted in pornography…women need to realize that men will never be able to live up to such high romantic and emotional expectations.  this is NOT an excuse for men to be jerks and to not try to connect with his significant other romantically and emotionally…but it is a reality check that men will fall short of women’s longings.

we see the casualities everyday: 

a married woman starving emotionally in her marriage contemplating divorce when another man treats her romantically. 

a woman who goes through the cycle of marriage and divorce because there is a feeling of emptiness inside that no one can fill. 

a single woman believing that she can only feel whole and complete when she is married…so she searches desperately for a man to fill the void in her life . 

a young girl growing up without a father…running in circles looking for a man that will validate her sense of worth and value.

the feelings and longing for romance, wholeness, completeness, worth, and value in women are as old as the ages.  it is as if women, in some way, have been disconnected from the true source of romance, wholeness, completeness, worth, and value…and have been desperately trying to reconnect with it…but not knowing where the source is or where to find it. 

a Samaritan woman goes to the well to draw some water.  a tired and thirsty Jesus asks the woman if she would give him a drink.  being that there was hostility between Samaritans and the Jews, the lady asks how a very Jewish Jesus could ask her for a drink.  Jesus responds, “you do not know what God’s gift is. and you do not know who is asking you for a drink. if you did, you would have asked him. he would have given you living water.”  

i find the woman’s next two responses (edited together) to be profound and telling.  she says, “you don’t have anything to get water with. The well is deep. Where can you get this living water?  Sir, give me this water. Then I will never be thirsty. And I won’t have to keep coming here to get water.”

the metaphor screams.  my well is running dry.  i am so thirsty.  i keep coming back to this well again and again and again.  it quenches my thirst for a short time…but i keep coming back because  i am still thirsty.  i need something that will satisfy me…where can i get this living water?

Jesus responds, “GO GET YOUR HUSBAND AND COME BACK.”   what?  go get your husband and come back?  what is Jesus getting at here?  we find out that the woman has had five husbands and the man she is with now is just her boyfriend.  this woman keeps running back to the well…thirsty…again and again and again and again.  there is not a man that she can find that will fulfill her the way that she wants to be fulfilled, or who treats her the way she wants to be treated.  Jesus is saying to her that she will be satisfied with a man for a short period of time…but it won’t be long before she will thirst again…and be looking for another man and then another man.  she needs another source.  one that doesn’t run out.  one that is overflowing and leads to eternal life.  and only Jesus can give her…and you…this living water.

ladies…your worth and value is NOT DEPENDENT upon a man.  a man will NEVER make you feel completely whole.  a  man will NEVER be able to completely satisfy your emotional needs.  a man will NEVER be able to completely sweep you off of your feet.  only God and God alone can fill you up…give you worth…give you value…make you feel whole and loved…and sweep you off of your feet.  He has always wanted to…and always will…but it takes you reconnecting with the source of this living water.

       Come, all you who are thirsty,
       come to the waters;
       and you who have no money,
       come, buy and eat!
       Come, buy wine and milk
       without money and without cost.

       Why spend money on what is not bread,
       and your labor on what does not satisfy?
       Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
       and your soul will delight in the richest of fare. 

                                                                Isaiah 55: 1-2

brandon

8 thoughts on “but i am a princess…

  1. A very good message Brandon. I think every marriage goes thru a series of adjustments. One of the first is that your spouse has faults and no longer seen thru rose-colored glasses. It is then that one must make sure Jesus Christ is the center of one’s life so that one can see his or her spouse thru His eyes. There is always going to be disillusionment, because we don’t live in fairy tales or a romance novel. With Christ, though there is a love that overflows and causes two people to become as strong as a three stranded cord.

    Like

  2. It is so funny, that I had almost this exact conversation with a coworker tonight. I was so glad you talked about this Sunday. Thanks for shooting straight…

    Like

  3. facebook note turned blog comment:

    2008 was a most glorious year.

    Sunday at church Brandon talked about something that has been really close to my heart for the last many, many years (see: https://outsidethewalls.wordpress.com/2009/01/19/but-i-am-a-princess/ for a better idea of what I’m talking about.) and hearing what he talked about Sunday reminded me of how incredible God has been over the last year (and continues to be everyday.)

    For a good chunk of my life, I’ve sought acceptance/confirmation/approval from people because I never had it from my parents. I always had this feeling like nothing I did was ever good enough for them so I’d try to get approval from other people to make me feel like I mattered. For so, so long, I never had self confidence, I never knew who I was, I just put my value and my self esteem in the hands of others, fully expecting to find fulfillment and acceptance in them.

    And you know what happened?

    People failed to meet that expectation. And that sucked. Because it left me all the more disappointed, all the more broken, and feeling even more like I wasn’t worth anything.

    When you go into any friendship/relationship/whatever expecting the other person to meet whatever need you have missing, they’re going to fail you. And you’re going to put up walls and ruin many, many relationships because you feel like they’ve hurt you and you don’t want them to get any closer so you push them away.

    As I typed that, it sounded so ridiculous but that’s seriously the way my brain used to function. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, the ONLY thing that can fill the void is Jesus. The only thing that has allowed me to find where my worth is, is the grace of God.

    Our identity lies in Christ!

    When you become a Christian, the old is gone. The new has come. You are redefined. Being able to accept the love of Christ is revolutionary. For me it has changed the way I view myself, the way I view others, the way I think people view me and the way I view God. I see God as a father who loves his children, not as some big jerk in the sky out to get people.

    For girls out there who are seeking after so many other things… trying to find fulfillment in boys or drugs or food or shopping or whatever else… you’re running in circles. Those things DON’T fulfill.

    The LORD your God is with you,
    he is mighty to save.
    He will take great delight in you,
    he will quiet you with his love,
    he will rejoice over you with singing.

    The sorrows for the appointed feasts
    I will remove from you;
    they are a burden and a reproach to you.

    At that time I will deal
    with all who oppressed you;
    I will rescue the lame
    and gather those who have been scattered.
    I will give them praise and honor
    in every land where they were put to shame.

    At that time I will gather you;
    at that time I will bring you home.
    I will give you honor and praise
    among all the peoples of the earth
    when I restore your fortunes
    before your very eyes,
    says the LORD.

    It is seriously my heart for you guys to know how much you’re loved.
    And no one will ever fill the deep longing we have to be wanted/loved except Jesus.

    God takes great delight in you. He loves you. He wants what’s best for you.
    Really.

    And I know that’s a hard thing to believe when you’ve dealt with crap. It’s hard to see past the lies spoken into your life. It’s hard not to blame God for how your life has gone. But keep seeking him.

    Christians, not Christians – people are going to fail us – especially when we hold them to idealistic standards that they were never meant to be held to. But when we live with our identity in the one who came to save us and live out his love in our lives, we’re walking in the power and authority that only comes from him and have confidence in who we are. We’ll get tripped up. We’ll get knocked down. But we have to keep running with our eyes focused so intently on Jesus because if we don’t, we’re bound to fail time and again.

    He HAS to be the center. He has to be the goal we strive for. Knowing him and walking in his way results in living our lives a little closer to the way he intended and that allows us to use our story to walk with others through life. Encouraging each other. Sharing the message of hope and salvation with those who don’t know it. Loving the hell out of people.

    And I know that sounds super churchy and super unattainable if you’re not already in that sort of place. Or if you’re bitter with God. Or whatever else. But coming from someone that doesn’t b-s, I promise you it’s truth.

    Search it out. Ask God to show you his love. Fight for it. God will meet you where you’re at. He’ll never fail. Never ever ever.

    No matter how many times your dad might fail you or your boyfriend or husband or whoever else, God never will.

    There’s so much freedom in letting go and trusting that God is who he says he is. It’s baby steps for some people and a big giant freakin’ leap for others. But either way, I urge you to seek after God and his heart. And remember it’s not just about you. But about what you can do for others.

    I’ll be the first to admit that I still struggle with trying to get approval from people. A lot. But I find myself less and less worried about it because I’m finally becoming confident in who God has made me to be.

    When I think back to 2008, I think what I’ll remember more than all the crazy/ridiculous/fun stuff is that God showed up in my life in ways bigger than I ever imagined.

    I saw a lot of things, I laughed SO much, and I folded more enchiladas in one day than I ever want to fold for the rest of my life combined. I’ve rapped in a Mongolian high school and have had to produce more identification – in addition to my passport – more times when going through immigration than probably anyone else in the history of passports. I’ve met some freaking incredible people, almost been hit with bags of trash falling from the sky, ate duck tongue and throat, and sipped coffee with some of the greatest people to ever exist. I developed a love for sleeping in airports… and really just sleeping anywhere, did the home alone run in Los Angeles trying to catch a flight, saw the biggest anonymous turd to ever appear in a toilet, and got some sweet converse all stars for free.

    I kicked off 2009 with a week long road trip out west visiting several friends from my DTS. We hit up a hockey game, went snow shoeing, laughed so freaking much, got lost in Seattle, built several snowmen, laughed some more, ate moose, got stuck in Seattle because of flooding, rode a pony (not really.), got a canadian stamp in our passports, and got the WORST coffee of my life at McDonald’s’ new McCafe. I had chipotle, chili, coffee, birthday cake, and popcorn (all at different times of course) with some of my favorite people on earth when I got back to Indiana and now I’m sitting in LAX on hour 7 of my 9 hour layover in Los Angeles waiting to fly to New Zealand.

    Over the last year, I’ve encountered God in a whole new way, forgiven people I never thought possible, found inexplicable joy, and moreover, been humbled time and time again by God and his work in my life and in those around me (and around the world). I’m so, so thankful for what I’ve been able to do, am anticipating what’s to come, and am freaking excited about what this year will hold.

    I’ve got a lot of ideas about what I’d like it to be and with any luck, it’ll include a Coldplay concert somewhere along the line…

    Like

  4. For a good chunk of my life, I’ve sought acceptance/confirmation/approval from people because I never had it from my parents. I always had this feeling like nothing I did was ever good enough for them so I’d try to get approval from other people to make me feel like I mattered. For so, so long, I never had self confidence, I never knew who I was, I just put my value and my self esteem in the hands of others, fully expecting to find fulfillment and acceptance in them.

    And you know what happened?

    People failed to meet that expectation. And that sucked. Because it left me all the more disappointed, all the more broken, and feeling even more like I wasn’t worth anything.

    When you go into any friendship/relationship/whatever expecting the other person to meet whatever need you have missing, they’re going to fail you. And you’re going to put up walls and ruin many, many relationships because you feel like they’ve hurt you and you don’t want them to get any closer so you push them away.

    As I typed that, it sounded so ridiculous but that’s seriously the way my brain used to function. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, the ONLY thing that can fill the void is Jesus. The only thing that has allowed me to find where my worth is, is the grace of God.

    Our identity lies in Christ!

    When you become a Christian, the old is gone. The new has come. You are redefined. Being able to accept the love of Christ is revolutionary. For me it has changed the way I view myself, the way I view others, the way I think people view me and the way I view God. I see God as a father who loves his children, not as some big jerk in the sky out to get people.

    For girls out there who are seeking after so many other things… trying to find fulfillment in boys or drugs or food or shopping or whatever else… you’re running in circles. Those things DON’T fulfill.

    The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
    He will take great delight in you,
    he will quiet you with his love,
    he will rejoice over you with singing.

    The sorrows for the appointed feasts
    I will remove from you;
    they are a burden and a reproach to you.

    At that time I will deal
    with all who oppressed you;
    I will rescue the lame
    and gather those who have been scattered.
    I will give them praise and honor
    in every land where they were put to shame.

    At that time I will gather you;
    at that time I will bring you home.
    I will give you honor and praise
    among all the peoples of the earth
    when I restore your fortunes
    before your very eyes,
    says the LORD.

    It is seriously my heart for you guys to know how much you’re loved. And no one will ever fill the deep longing we have to be wanted/loved except Jesus.

    God takes great delight in you. He loves you. He wants what’s best for you. Really.

    And I know that’s a hard thing to believe when you’ve dealt with crap. It’s hard to see past the lies spoken into your life. It’s hard not to blame God for how your life has gone. But keep seeking him.

    Christians, not Christians – people are going to fail us – especially when we hold them to idealistic standards that they were never meant to be held to. But when we live with our identity in the one who came to save us and live out his love in our lives, we’re walking in the power and authority that only comes from him and have confidence in who we are. We’ll get tripped up. We’ll get knocked down. But we have to keep running with our eyes focused so intently on Jesus because if we don’t, we’re bound to fail time and again.

    He HAS to be the center. He has to be the goal we strive for. Knowing him and walking in his way results in living our lives a little closer to the way he intended and that allows us to use our story to walk with others through life. Encouraging each other. Sharing the message of hope and salvation with those who don’t know it. Loving the hell out of people.

    And I know that sounds super churchy and super unattainable if you’re not already in that sort of place. Or if you’re bitter with God. Or whatever else. But coming from someone that doesn’t b-s, I promise you it’s truth.

    Search it out. Ask God to show you his love. Fight for it. God will meet you where you’re at. He’ll never fail. Never ever ever.

    No matter how many times your dad might fail you or your boyfriend or husband or whoever else, God never will.

    There’s so much freedom in letting go and trusting that God is who he says he is. It’s baby steps for some people and a big giant freakin’ leap for others. But either way, I urge you to seek after God and his heart. And remember it’s not just about you. But about what you can do for others.

    I’ll be the first to admit that I still struggle with trying to get approval from people. A lot. But I find myself less and less worried about it because I’m finally becoming confident in who God has made me to be.

    Like

  5. For a good chunk of my life, I’ve sought acceptance/confirmation/approval from people because I never had it from my parents. I always had this feeling like nothing I did was ever good enough for them so I’d try to get approval from other people to make me feel like I mattered. For so, so long, I never had self confidence, I never knew who I was, I just put my value and my self esteem in the hands of others, fully expecting to find fulfillment and acceptance in them.

    And you know what happened?

    People failed to meet that expectation. And that sucked. Because it left me all the more disappointed, all the more broken, and feeling even more like I wasn’t worth anything.

    When you go into any friendship/relationship/whatever expecting the other person to meet whatever need you have missing, they’re going to fail you. And you’re going to put up walls and ruin many, many relationships because you feel like they’ve hurt you and you don’t want them to get any closer so you push them away.

    As I typed that, it sounded so ridiculous but that’s seriously the way my brain used to function. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, the ONLY thing that can fill the void is Jesus. The only thing that has allowed me to find where my worth is, is the grace of God.

    Our identity lies in Christ!

    Like

  6. continued…

    When you become a Christian, the old is gone. The new has come. You are redefined. Being able to accept the love of Christ is revolutionary. For me it has changed the way I view myself, the way I view others, the way I think people view me and the way I view God. I see God as a father who loves his children, not as some big jerk in the sky out to get people.

    For girls out there who are seeking after so many other things… trying to find fulfillment in boys or drugs or food or shopping or whatever else… you’re running in circles. Those things DON’T fulfill.

    The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.
    He will take great delight in you,
    he will quiet you with his love,
    he will rejoice over you with singing.

    The sorrows for the appointed feasts
    I will remove from you;
    they are a burden and a reproach to you.

    At that time I will deal
    with all who oppressed you;
    I will rescue the lame
    and gather those who have been scattered.
    I will give them praise and honor
    in every land where they were put to shame.

    At that time I will gather you;
    at that time I will bring you home.
    I will give you honor and praise
    among all the peoples of the earth
    when I restore your fortunes
    before your very eyes,
    says the LORD.

    It is seriously my heart for you guys to know how much you’re loved. And no one will ever fill the deep longing we have to be wanted/loved except Jesus.

    God takes great delight in you. He loves you. He wants what’s best for you. Really.

    And I know that’s a hard thing to believe when you’ve dealt with crap. It’s hard to see past the lies spoken into your life. It’s hard not to blame God for how your life has gone. But keep seeking him.

    Christians, not Christians – people are going to fail us – especially when we hold them to idealistic standards that they were never meant to be held to. But when we live with our identity in the one who came to save us and live out his love in our lives, we’re walking in the power and authority that only comes from him and have confidence in who we are. We’ll get tripped up. We’ll get knocked down. But we have to keep running with our eyes focused so intently on Jesus because if we don’t, we’re bound to fail time and again.

    He HAS to be the center. He has to be the goal we strive for. Knowing him and walking in his way results in living our lives a little closer to the way he intended and that allows us to use our story to walk with others through life. Encouraging each other. Sharing the message of hope and salvation with those who don’t know it. Loving the hell out of people.

    And I know that sounds super churchy and super unattainable if you’re not already in that sort of place. Or if you’re bitter with God. Or whatever else. But coming from someone that doesn’t b-s, I promise you it’s truth.

    Search it out. Ask God to show you his love. Fight for it. God will meet you where you’re at. He’ll never fail. Never ever ever.

    No matter how many times your dad might fail you or your boyfriend or husband or whoever else, God never will.

    There’s so much freedom in letting go and trusting that God is who he says he is. It’s baby steps for some people and a big giant freakin’ leap for others. But either way, I urge you to seek after God and his heart. And remember it’s not just about you. But about what you can do for others.

    I’ll be the first to admit that I still struggle with trying to get approval from people. A lot. But I find myself less and less worried about it because I’m finally becoming confident in who God has made me to be.

    Like

  7. Brandon,

    God gave you a direct line of vision into my life, didn’t He? You are watching my every movement through His binoculars, aren’t you?

    All I can say is that this post came directly from the throne..and for the first time in all my adult life I just came to this understanding yesterday. Then I see your post this morning. Confirmation. I have always said I was a late bloomer…glad I finally got it. Glad that He is patient and that He is still there. My trust and faith in man is gone, gone, gone…only trust in God remains. Only a desire for Him remains. I can truly say that for the first time in my adult life I have no desire for a relationship with a man – no feeling of needing a man or I’ve gotta have a boyfriend, etc. I know that I don’t need anybody else. They always fail. And that is because they were not meant to fulfill me. I knew this before but there is a part of me – that little girl that has always been seeking the love and acceptance and self-esteem from (daddy) a man that thought, “if only I can find the right one it will be different. he will be perfect.” Not so. Never gonna happen. Only God is perfect and only He will fulfill me. Thank God that He brought me to the place – however painful it was – to understand and see this truth. All I need is Him.

    Thanks, Brandon, for letting God speak through you.

    I love you guys there at TLR and still know that you are the most Christ-like followers I have ever met or known in my life.

    Peace and blessings to you,
    Cindy

    Like

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